Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
