How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
