I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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