She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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