lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
