dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
