well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
