shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
