is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
