I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
