I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize