I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
