I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize