And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
