Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
