I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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