Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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