you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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