I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
