A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize