How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
