I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I could fuck to npr.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
