Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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