She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
