my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
