mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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