i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
There's even glitter on my cock...
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