if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
