he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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