I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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