Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
