Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I need a burrito and a hug.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
