Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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