I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
