Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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