he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
