Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
