there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
