new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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