Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
