Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
