I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm at about main and main street
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
