Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
