dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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