Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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