I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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