I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
