You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
