you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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