Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
