You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
