My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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