So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
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How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
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If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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