I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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