Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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