Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
