Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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