I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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