I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
