i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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