The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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