i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
