Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
