if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
