whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
