I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
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Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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