my mouth tastes like poor choices
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
