i just wanna soil my oats bro
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
