so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he was CRYING into my vagina
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
