david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
