The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
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she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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