So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Randomize
