What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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