sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
