"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
