He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
