She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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