she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What drink are we having for lunch?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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