So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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