I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm bleeding and have questions
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