Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
