And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
