I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am midnight drunk by noon
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
