He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
